I'm 30

 

Hello Classy People, 

I was born in winter, but I blossom during spring. 

The third decade of a lifetime is something I imagined as a little girl, but with no specific details because I felt being in my twenties forever.

I felt like staying in my twenties because the thirties looked so sacred. Women in their thirties shall be the most perfect of themselves, physically, mentally, and spiritually.

Not that I was a wild girl in my twenties, disoriented regarding the image I have of women in their thirties, but we humans always need more time while heading towards something we want to represent decently.

Perfection is out of everybody's reach, but we always feel that in addition to all the steps we already took, we still must take one more back to increase our chance to perform the suitable run that will push us to jump higher! 

Such behavior is most of the time nourished by fear, the fear of not jumping high enough, the fear of not achieving even the minimum, and the fear of not honoring the time of practice.

So little did I know, my Thirties are here regardless of my readiness.

My twenties are a gift of ten years, and I haven't been lazy!

Ten years were committed to chasing perfection to favorise my thirties and sometimes forgetting to be fair to myself.

I haven't ignored living my twenties fully, but I have sacrificed a part of them for my thirties without even knowing if I would catch 30 one day.

Now that I'm thirty, I feel so emotional about my twenties, but I'm mostly not regretting my decisions.

I'm a visionary, so I'm not capable of putting all my eggs in the basket of the present. The fact I had a clear image of the woman I wanted to be in my thirties has helped me expand my wisdom, grow my maturity, and don't feel lost at an age when everybody is.

The number of people of my age during my twenties who were barely able to answer the question WHAT DO YOU WANT? was so few that I felt like an old soul. 

No one could convince me that I wasn't an old soul because of the disciplines and habits I adopted from a young age. 

It was everything but easy. It was a revolution within me during my twenties: to sleep around ten and wake up at sunrise, to respect punctuality, to not party during weekends, to lose fourteen kilos after gaining them in one month, to handle toxic relationships, to not work in places that underestimate my talents despite the necessity of financial independence and to keep away any head with a small mind.

I have been mothering myself since I can remember, but I was strict during my twenties. I wanted to dedicate that phase to transitioning from a girl to a woman.

The twenties were almost like a decade of mistakes to learn lessons that I would excel when becoming thirty!

It's insane how I'm glorifying THE THIRTIES!

I'm glorifying them to the point of wanting more time in my twenties because I'm maybe not ready yet, or not promising enough to deserve being thirty.

My eyes are flowing with tears, I'm at the end of my words, so I'll take a deep breath, close my eyes and meditate before continuing my writing.

- Hours Later -

I'm grateful for every situation I have been through, for every moment I had to decide a path from my destiny.

I thank god for sometimes breaking my heart to strengthen my soul. I appreciate my vision that keeps appearing while I'm distracted by new thoughts.

I remember my alignments, so I want to praise my young self for helping me reach my thirties the way I wanted.

I'm thirty now, and thank the little one, my young self, for living and surviving in the most beautiful ways in her power and beyond. 

The transition from a girl to a woman is here, but shall it never be complete because learning and growing is a much better journey than reaching the goal.